I’ve fallen off the wagon again, or however that saying goes. Things have been deteriorating. Self motivation is basically non existant, the only thing I’m really managing to stay consistent with is making my bed. I’ve once again got low energy, apathy. I don’t feel good or satisfied with doing things. One thing I’ve noticed for sure is that I’ve picked up on this much sooner than I would have previously.
Even looking at this text I pause, thinking what’s the point. But I know the point! Self reflection is so important in getting better. It’s really such a strange disconnect between logic and emotions, where I know the right path yet it seems hopeless despite everything to the contrary.
Fuck this is hard.
29/01/2020
So I came back to this after a few days. Having a record of these low moments is so useful. I had to force myself to do some of the basic chores in order to keep the house clean, then I did eat like 8 doughnuts and a whole family bag of crisps. The discomfort in my stomach was more pressing than the weird feeling of apathy and hopelessness, it somehow pushed me out of it. I think having the house tidy really made a difference though, forcing yourself through the motions of normality can push yourself back into normality, at least that’s what it did for me this time.
I don’t really have much to talk about philosophy wise, haven’t been exploring it. I’ve been looking at economics (maybe that’s the low mood trigger, economics seems like a very anxious subject!) and the logic/ethics of economics. Anyway, I’ll leave it here.
